What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
Love is all you need.
Testimonial Tuesday #6
Truly. And, yes, I’m aware that it sounds cliche, AND that it’s been said before, AAAND that love does not necessarily buy you food or clothing or put a roof over your head etc. But, once your basic needs are met, there is really only one other thing that can determine your level of emotional satiation…and that’s love, baby.
For many years, I have chosen to overlook this fact. In the face of love, I have instead often chosen to pursue external goals. Book this show, live in that cool city, make ___ amount of money, look this way, weigh this much, have that particular kind of wardrobe, be this or that kind of person, be this or that kind of friend, be this or that kind of daughter/sister/partner/employee etc…only be a fraction of your real self at any given moment -you know, the fraction of yourself that is sure to scare away the least amount of people- be that fraction of yourself with one person, and then make sure to adjust the fraction for the next round of folks/co-workers/friends and so on. Sound love-y? No, it doesn’t to me either. In fact, it sounds exhausting and inauthentic, and feels childish and gross when you are doing it in the face of knowing better.
I spoke about all of this in my recent session with Rachael. I told her that I was feeling childish. That I was feeling selfish and embarrassed about recognizing these parts of myself that I have never truly let out of the box WITHOUT judgement. The parts of me that have pursued material things and still want to do so, even though I know that, ultimately, no external successes can truly fulfill me. I revealed to her (Rachael) that it felt spiritually un-evolved to do or want any of the things listed above. That, as a person who has spent so much time working on personal development and towards the ‘attainment of enlightenment’ -which, I’m pretty sure is an oxymoron- that I felt like I was no longer allowed to have wants or strong opinions or to be confused or messy or that loud, annoying drunk girl at a bar who is letting lose with her friends.
“Spiritual people don’t do that”
I told her….
The conversation that followed was a long and highly informative one…and the bulk of what I absorbed centered around one very important message;
‘Spiritual people’ are spiritual people because they are
authentic to their spirit.
Meaning, that for some of them, letting loose at a bar IS a spiritual experience. And what’s more, the spirit gets to express itself in any manner/number of ways -as many as it sees fit. A spiritual person can -indeed- get drunk at a bar, sleep in her clothes, and go on a meditative hike the next day to restore her spirit. She/he/they can make mistakes and break old rules in the name of what her/his/their spirit needs in order to continue to grow. A person can be spiritual without doing yoga seventeen hours a day and drinking nothing but green tea while sitting quietly in their closet/in-home meditation studio… don’t get me wrong, I love all of those things, but the lack of them does not define the depth of anyone’s spirituality…only their need to stretch more and buy more tea.
As Rachael helped me to filter out the ‘shoulds’ and get in touch with the current realities of my spiritual journey, I was left with one very strong and startling realization: recently, all of my ideas about what a spiritual person ‘is’, have left me feeling relatively un-spiritual. I have spent so much time attempting to live my perceived set of Spiritual Person rules, that I have yet to live as a women who is consistently authentic to her spirit. Perhaps, I have just been scared. Or perhaps, I have continually overlooked what has always been right in front of me (love). Either way, today, as I drove the long and beautiful sun-set drenched stretch of highway between San Antonio and Austin, TX (where I am spending my Thanksgiving Holiday) it hit me;
none of it matters without love.
None of it feels like anything without love. And I want it all to matter, and I want it all to feel… good. I want love. And so long as I continue NOT to go with-in, I will continue to go without.
This revelation feels HUGE.
It also leaves me feeling totally empty…which, I suppose, means that it is time to fill up :-)
‘Fill 'er up with love, please!’
How’s the love level of YOUR heart?
What do YOU know now,
that you didn’t know before?