What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
I know now what I didn’t know before.
testimonial Tuesday #25
There will always be room for growth. There will always be learning. But the catch that has caught me repeatedly in my past has been my tendency to hear without really listening. To learn without accepting. To be honest without acknowledging it. It has been almost a year since I stared working with Rachael, and as we hone in on our last session together…I am able to see that I have finally started digesting our time. Not only have I digested it, but I have let it feed and nourish me in ways exponential.
What started as an exploration in energy (and a search for the next great teacher of my life), has come to its final stretch. As such, I would be remiss not to mention my ‘celebration phone call’ with Rachael last Tuesday. This is a bonus session with Rachael in which she takes the time to honor all that you have learned and gained (and released) throughout the work. It is a beautiful moment in which you are invited to sit back and relax and really revel in what you have been able to look at and process and revolutionize in your life, and to be honored for the hard work that you have put in. It is no small feat to enter into a relationship with another human in which you KNOW that you are going to have to get -more or less- super uncomfortable, even if just for a bit…knowing that the real rewards are on the other side.
Over the last year, I got super uncomfortable. I pulled out every old wound and scar and lie that had ever been told; either to myself or others, and one by one, Rachael and I had the chance to decide: “keep or get rid of”. (I use this analogy because originally, she compared our work together of that of cleaning out one’s closet.) It was hard. It was not sunshine and rainbows. It was more like scrubbing and disinfecting. And while this may sound unattractive to some, the reality is that if we do not tend to our wounds properly, then eventually we have to open them up, clean them out, and start the healing process all over again. You can choose to do this work, or you can choose not to. Many choose not to. But, if you are one of the lucky souls who chooses to really look at what makes themselves tick, you might also be one of the lucky souls to be blessed with an incredible guide. Perhaps someone who has a spirit as light as the one you have always hoped to evolve into being. Perhaps Rachael can be your guide, just as she has been mine. Or perhaps you will seek guidance in other ways. Whatever you choose, know this: If you set out on the path, at some point, you must choose to KNOW what you know, and then, to ACCEPT it. Most importantly, you must know that this knowing does not come from your chosen leader or from any other outside source. This knowing comes from deep within yourself. The journey is not one that can be taken by foot, and the only way to find the entry point is to turn around and sit down with your own presence.
I have always known what I 'didn’t' know. Reiki taught me that. On some level, we all know. We know what we want, we know what we are after, we know what stands in our way and why we let it stand there and how we might move through it. We already know what we claim that we don’t. The trick is being brave enough to admit it to ourselves. A guide like Rachael is handy for the last part. For holding your hand and gently walking you to the gates of your soul. To the gates of bliss or Heaven or whatever else that might feel like to you.
For me, Rachael has walked me to wholeness. To fullness. To the understanding that, while the parts are essential for living an expressive and interesting life, the whole is truly greater than the sum (of its parts). What's more, I see now that the whole has been whole all along. I have been whole all along, I just wasn’t a huge fan of what was making me that way. Kind of like having a closet fully STUFFED with clothes, and realizing that you only ever wear the same three things anyway. Rachael changed that. She helped me pull everything out and piece by piece, decide what feel authentic and what didn't, and where the gaps were. She helped my fill in the essential holes of my emotional wardrobe. And then I put it on. And now, I know how to dress myself in it everyday. It feels pretty damn good.
I know now what I didn’t know before;
that I am me,
I always have been,
(thanks to Rachael)
I know who that is.
What do YOU know now,
that you didn't know before?