What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
Everything that I have been wanting for years...
has been right under my nose.
testimonial Tuesday #2
Hello, fellow travelers!!!
This past week, I had my second of twelve sessions with Rachael in a park in Medford, OR—a place that I intended to call home since leaving New York City on October 23rd. Oregon is beautiful. It is a land filled with endless possibilities, tons of room for adventure, and wonderful people. I was invited to come to Medford by a friend of mine who was kind enough to make a room for me in her home. It is a lovely home, and it was a lovely room, and no sooner had I gotten there than I realized that everything I wanted already existed…and it was not in Medford, OR.
I moved to Oregon in search of peace and tranquility. In search of a ‘final resting place’ if you will, where I could set up shop and start to build the life that Rachael and I had so meticulously crafted in our last round of sessions together. I wanted to be in a beautiful place, with people I loved, where I had immediate access to the outdoors and I could hike every day if I wanted to. Where I could develop relationships with wonderful people, and be surrounded by a loving and supportive community of like-minded individuals, who were/are as welcoming to new ideas as they are to a good time.
In Oregon, my friend has found all of those things for herself. She is living a wonderful life in the midst of everything that she has created, and she is radiant in her space. But it is her life. Not my life. Her life. And as it is hers, it cannot be mine. There is no room for me to try and weasel my way into what she has built for herself, and more importantly, I do not need to. My life already exists. What I have created already exists, and when I am in it, I too radiate. My life is in the mountains of Santa Fe, NM and the valleys of the Pecos River. My community of like-minded people is alive and well in the family and friends that reside therein. I already have everything that I have been looking for…so why was it so hard to see that? Why did I think it had to look like something else in order to be new and exciting? And why did it take three airplanes and almost a thousand dollars in flights and rent and bedroom accessories to see that?
I don’t have an answer. What I do know is this; I am currently on an airplane to New Mexico. My body is calm, and my mind is clear. And in this moment, Rachael’s words keep winding through my brain. Words that she has repeated to me on more than one occasion throughout the course of our work together; “trust that even if things look similar, they are not the same". I have grown and changed and evolved as a human -due largely in part to our work together- and therefore, no situation will ever be exactly the same as it was before.
I am still me, but I am not the same. My perspective is different. My priorities have shifted. The woman who has long been so afraid of speaking up for herself and stepping into her power -to do what she knows must be done- has learned that there is nothing that she can screw up, that was not already intended to be screwed up. In other words, we cannot break anything that is not meant to be broken. That is not what our power is for. If something falls apart, it was intended to be that way.
“Step into your power. It is safe.
You can not cause anything to explode that was not already meant to explode...”
Rachael tells me.
My plans for Oregon exploded. Plans that had been in place for months, with many dreams attached, were blown to bits in the split second that it took for me to realize that I was not where I needed to be. And I believe Rachael. And I believe me. If I was meant to be in Oregon, I would be in Oregon. And now, I am flying home to New Mexico. I am scared, and I am proud of myself, and I am relieved and nervous and feel like I have absolutely no clue what the hell is going on…except for one thing; I did not need to be there in order to fulfill my heart’s desire. I already have what I have been wanting, I just need to be ok with wanting it.
For some, there is no place like home, and they cannot wait to get out. For others, there is no place like home, and they are grateful for it. I am of the latter group. There is no place like home. There is no place that has my parents and my friends and a good majority of the people that I want to be the foundation of my life...where I have immediate access to the outdoors, and can hike every day if I want to :-)
And while I have no idea what is about to happen, I do know this:
I can not cause anything to explode that was not already meant to explode...
...and I am happy to finally be home.
When was the last time your world had to explode in order for you to see clearly?
What do YOU know now that you didn’t know before?