What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
You must excavate your own reality.
testimonial Tuesday #19
To live the life you most desire takes work. And yes, I know we have all become hyper aware of the power of positive thinking and imagination, but when it comes right down to it, nothing happens without aligned action. Ie: If you want to win the lottery, you have to buy the ticket. All the positive thinking and prayers and affirmations in the world aren’t going to do jack-diddly without the final component; you.
I mentioned to Rachael in my most recent session that I felt scared because I am starting to take action in my own life based merely on the instinct to do so. What this is looking like is saying yes or no to opportunities because my gut is telling me to say yes or no. Sometimes, this means saying no to things that look really appealing, but just don’t feel right. Other times, this means saying yes to things that look NOTHING like ANYTHING I would EVER see myself doing, but something about it feels totally right. In hindsight, this has basically been the mission on this whole quest for self-discovery; to be able to make decisions quickly, without second guessing myself. However, it gets tricky when you start watching yourself take giant leaps towards opportunities that -only months ago- might have never even caught your attention.
Most recently, this came in the form of an answered prayer. Another of many. This prayer was for stability. Was for the ability to make a particular amount of money each week, and for a life that felt fresh and exciting and ‘adult-y’’ and like my OWN.
Last week, I was offered a new job. One that feels stimulating and exciting...and that I have never done before. (This feels alot like one of those situations in which people say “if you would have told me a month ago that ____________, I would have never believed you”.)
This week I start my work as a medical coder and biller for an independent Psychology and Psychiatry practice, which within it holds some of the finest practitioners in all of New Mexico. Three weeks ago, when I started working in their office as a secretary, I had no idea how to even use the scheduling system. Now, I will be doing their billing, working with insurance companies to settle claims, preparing their monthly deposits and essentially learning an entirely new skill set.
Never ever ever in a million years would I have imagined this for myself.
And it is for this very reason, that
-when the opportunity was placed in front of me-
I initially felt the need to reject it.
‘This doesn’t fit me’ accompanied by ‘I want more money’ and ‘what’s the point’ were just a few of the initial thoughts that popped up. However, as I was fighting it out with myself, I also KNEW that I was ABSOLUTELY going to take the job. Despite my inexperience and my fear of failing or becoming a person that I have never known myself to be (a thought that simultaneously excites and scares the poop out of me), I KNEW IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE.
EXCAVATE YOUR OWN REALITY.
If something feels right,
even in the face of everything about it that could possibly ‘go wrong’,
dig deeper into the place that feels right and start to build.
Dig the shit out of the life that is in front of you,
and all around you.
Anything can be anything, it’s all in how you look at it.
Excavate your own reality.
What might be hiding in YOUR OWN backyard?
What do YOU know now,
that you didn't know before?