What I know now, that I didn't know before: Everything and nothing at the same time. testimonial Tuesday #26I say that, accompanied with a small grain of salt on the side. Sure there are things that I know. But they are not the things that I thought I knew to be true for most of my life, or at least the time before Rachael and I crossed paths. It took us several attempts at working together before the doors finally opened and it was clear to both of us that it was time. Over the past 2 years, I have bounced from St. Louis to New Mexico to New York to Oregon to New Mexico, and as often as I have needed or wanted her help, Rachael has taught me that who I have really been needing and wanting, has been mySELF. The last year with Rachael has changed my life. But again, not in a way I would have expected. Everything has changed, and yet nothing seems that different. The course of my life has definitely shifted, but the changes have been completely organic. Perhaps this is because I was and have been following my true path all along, even in the moments when the road got bumpy and I couldn't see where I was going. Before Rachael, I though that I walking down the wrong road. I wanted her help to 'fix' my course and get me walking in the 'right' direction. Instead, what Rachael has taught me is that life is not about the achievement of our goals or walking the 'right' path but rather, life is about who we discover ourselves to be along the journey. What I know now that I didn’t know before is, essentially, that I don’t know shit about shit. :-) That the more you know, the more you realize you don't know... Simultaneously, however, this has come with the discovery that everything I need to know to live my fullest life is already within me. In our time working together, Rachael has put me in touch with my inner voice, and helped me learn its language. She didn’t set my entire life on a new trajectory or fix my problems or lead me to lose 10 pounds (all former goals of mine). Instead, she held a mirror up to what was already there, and after a years worth of work, I can now hold the mirror up for myself. Where there was a girl striving for acceptance, I now see a woman who knows that the only acceptance I have ever been striving for is my own. Where there was a bumbling lack of clear communication, there is now a voice that flows freely and with gargantuan volume. Where there was a suffocating grasp on ‘the plan’, there is now a loose outline with a solid core. A strong core. A core that can take punches and still rise towards the sun. A core that can bend and twist as needed. A core that can hold me up for all of my journey. The day after my last session with Rachael, I found out that I got into graduate school. Talk about a surprise punch to the gut. Yes, I was anticipating the acceptance or rejection, but -as I have learned over the last year- you never really know how you're going to feel until you are staring into the mouth of the dragon, wondering if it wants to eat you or just carry you around safely from place to place. Acceptance to grad school felt like this. It felt like someone pulled the e-brake on my life; filling me with thrill and terror and ‘what if’s galore, reminding me that life can change directions at any moment. But what I know now-thanks to Rachael- is also this: I asked, and the Universe answered. I held an idea, and the Universe gave me its essence. What I thought was going to look one way has shown up looking drastically different. And while I know all of this to be true, I also know that I know nothing about the glory that lies in front of me. I know that even though I never would have imagined this life a year ago, that I have been walking slowly up to this door the entire time, knowing that I desperately wanted to knock, but scared that if I did, someone might answer...and then what? In the first session I EVER had with Rachael, she mentioned the feeling that there was something else I wanted. Something that I had always wanted to be since I was little, a path that I had always been curious about, but had yet to allow myself to explore. A year later, I'm on it. I am walking down that road, hand in hand with myself, filled with a love and acceptance of this life that I had never experienced before Rachael opened my heart, week after week, session after session. Because of her, I am free. Free to know what I have always known, and free to walk forward in faith, knowing I just might know nothing at all about what lies ahead, and that that is totally ok, because life is a gift. And, as with any gift, at LEAST half of the fun is in the un-wrapping. In the discovery of what lies underneath. My work with Rachael has been just that; a steady unwrapping of one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. A Final Testimonial: Rachael. Has. Changed. My. Life. For the good, for the better, and forever. And despite all that I have written, there will never be words enough to express all that she has shown me to be true about true existence. Here's to the last 12 months. Here’s to life. And here’s to Tuesday’s. Thanks for joining the ride. :-) What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before? TESTIMONIAL TUESDAYS.
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What I know now, that I didn't know before: I know now what I didn’t know before. testimonial Tuesday #25There will always be room for growth. There will always be learning. But the catch that has caught me repeatedly in my past has been my tendency to hear without really listening. To learn without accepting. To be honest without acknowledging it. It has been almost a year since I stared working with Rachael, and as we hone in on our last session together…I am able to see that I have finally started digesting our time. Not only have I digested it, but I have let it feed and nourish me in ways exponential. What started as an exploration in energy (and a search for the next great teacher of my life), has come to its final stretch. As such, I would be remiss not to mention my ‘celebration phone call’ with Rachael last Tuesday. This is a bonus session with Rachael in which she takes the time to honor all that you have learned and gained (and released) throughout the work. It is a beautiful moment in which you are invited to sit back and relax and really revel in what you have been able to look at and process and revolutionize in your life, and to be honored for the hard work that you have put in. It is no small feat to enter into a relationship with another human in which you KNOW that you are going to have to get -more or less- super uncomfortable, even if just for a bit…knowing that the real rewards are on the other side. Over the last year, I got super uncomfortable. I pulled out every old wound and scar and lie that had ever been told; either to myself or others, and one by one, Rachael and I had the chance to decide: “keep or get rid of”. (I use this analogy because originally, she compared our work together of that of cleaning out one’s closet.) It was hard. It was not sunshine and rainbows. It was more like scrubbing and disinfecting. And while this may sound unattractive to some, the reality is that if we do not tend to our wounds properly, then eventually we have to open them up, clean them out, and start the healing process all over again. You can choose to do this work, or you can choose not to. Many choose not to. But, if you are one of the lucky souls who chooses to really look at what makes themselves tick, you might also be one of the lucky souls to be blessed with an incredible guide. Perhaps someone who has a spirit as light as the one you have always hoped to evolve into being. Perhaps Rachael can be your guide, just as she has been mine. Or perhaps you will seek guidance in other ways. Whatever you choose, know this: If you set out on the path, at some point, you must choose to KNOW what you know, and then, to ACCEPT it. Most importantly, you must know that this knowing does not come from your chosen leader or from any other outside source. This knowing comes from deep within yourself. The journey is not one that can be taken by foot, and the only way to find the entry point is to turn around and sit down with your own presence. I have always known what I 'didn’t' know. Reiki taught me that. On some level, we all know. We know what we want, we know what we are after, we know what stands in our way and why we let it stand there and how we might move through it. We already know what we claim that we don’t. The trick is being brave enough to admit it to ourselves. A guide like Rachael is handy for the last part. For holding your hand and gently walking you to the gates of your soul. To the gates of bliss or Heaven or whatever else that might feel like to you. For me, Rachael has walked me to wholeness. To fullness. To the understanding that, while the parts are essential for living an expressive and interesting life, the whole is truly greater than the sum (of its parts). What's more, I see now that the whole has been whole all along. I have been whole all along, I just wasn’t a huge fan of what was making me that way. Kind of like having a closet fully STUFFED with clothes, and realizing that you only ever wear the same three things anyway. Rachael changed that. She helped me pull everything out and piece by piece, decide what feel authentic and what didn't, and where the gaps were. She helped my fill in the essential holes of my emotional wardrobe. And then I put it on. And now, I know how to dress myself in it everyday. It feels pretty damn good. I know now what I didn’t know before; that I am me, I always have been, and now, (thanks to Rachael) I know who that is. Bad ass. What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
What I know now, that I didn't know before: You have to go through the middle to get to the other side. testimonial Tuesday #24I have spent a lot of life examining the odds and outcomes. Repeatedly analyzing the paths that lie in front of me. Walking up to each open door, and attempting to know where the path will lead before even daring to put a single foot through. Sometimes, this is for fear of failure; that somehow, I will make the wrong choice and wind up back were I started, only with less time to 'figure my life out'. Other times, it is because something feels familiar, and I am certain that life is just trying to trick me into repeating the same mistakes once again. Luckily, regarding both of these ideas, my work with Rachael has expanded my outlook on all of the potential outcomes following each path, in a variety of ways. One of them being her call to trust that 'even when things look similar, they are not'. Another being her suggestion that whatever is out there waiting for you is on the other side of whatever is in front of you. Currently, I live in Albuquerque. I have lived here before. I have returned home several times over the past several years. I have worked in restaurants and in offices and in theaters and in classrooms, doing similar -if not the same- work in a variety of places and capacities, and even dated the same people (literally and figuratively). However, I have also done a lot of work on my spirit. I have done a lot of work on my heart and on my mind, and what that has allowed me to understand is that when the expansion of all three combine -even in the face of seemingly repeated experiences- nothing is ever the same as it was before. My work with Rachael has opened my heart. It has taught me to think differently and to use different muscles. It has shown me that the 'same path' that keeps leading me ‘back here’ is not actually leading me back at all. It is carrying me forward, scenery be damned, in the direction of my greatest good. Before working with Rachael, these ideas were -to me- just that; ideas. Figments of my imagination. Beautiful ways of living life that we made for other people (people who deserved to live in peace). Ideas that I loved and longed to integrate into the fibers of my being, but for some reason, was not able to do so. Or, perhaps, I was not willing to do so. After all, who am I to have faith? Who am I to be unafraid? Now, thanks to Rachael; to her heart -which she shares effortlessly- her guidance, and our combined efforts over the past six months (and the six months before that), I can tell you who I am: I am one of those people. One of those people that trusts the path, even when no one else does. Even when it is covered in sand and mud and I have to climb over a bunch of boulders or a mountain to get to the other side, and even when I am the only one who can see where I am going; I trust the path. I know that my life is moving in the direction of my greatest good. A year ago, there was fear. Then I went through the middle. (Kicking and screaming with Rachael by my side) Now, there is faith. This week, I have been presented (many times) with the choice to walk forward in faith, straight through the middle of what lies ahead. My life has been full of surprises in the last couple of months, and with that exciting ‘lack’ of control, comes to life the part of me that wants to control everything. But I know better. I know that THAT is not how any of this works. I have learned it time and time again on my own and have refined my understanding of it in my work and writing with Rachael. The only way to truly understand what lies in front of you and how it is going to affect your life or make you feel, is to LIVE it. To move through it. To walk straight into the cloud of dust that life has kicked up, and trust that even if you fall off a cliff, it is because there is something truly spectacular waiting for you at the bottom. The only way to get to the other side, is through the middle. Onward through the middle I go. I've got a parachute, see any cliffs nearby? What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
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AuthorMorgan Faulkner is a writer and life explorer. She lives in New Mexico. Archives
April 2018
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