What I know now, that I didn't know before: You must excavate your own reality. testimonial Tuesday #19 To live the life you most desire takes work. And yes, I know we have all become hyper aware of the power of positive thinking and imagination, but when it comes right down to it, nothing happens without aligned action. Ie: If you want to win the lottery, you have to buy the ticket. All the positive thinking and prayers and affirmations in the world aren’t going to do jack-diddly without the final component; you. I mentioned to Rachael in my most recent session that I felt scared because I am starting to take action in my own life based merely on the instinct to do so. What this is looking like is saying yes or no to opportunities because my gut is telling me to say yes or no. Sometimes, this means saying no to things that look really appealing, but just don’t feel right. Other times, this means saying yes to things that look NOTHING like ANYTHING I would EVER see myself doing, but something about it feels totally right. In hindsight, this has basically been the mission on this whole quest for self-discovery; to be able to make decisions quickly, without second guessing myself. However, it gets tricky when you start watching yourself take giant leaps towards opportunities that -only months ago- might have never even caught your attention. Most recently, this came in the form of an answered prayer. Another of many. This prayer was for stability. Was for the ability to make a particular amount of money each week, and for a life that felt fresh and exciting and ‘adult-y’’ and like my OWN. Last week, I was offered a new job. One that feels stimulating and exciting...and that I have never done before. (This feels alot like one of those situations in which people say “if you would have told me a month ago that ____________, I would have never believed you”.) This week I start my work as a medical coder and biller for an independent Psychology and Psychiatry practice, which within it holds some of the finest practitioners in all of New Mexico. Three weeks ago, when I started working in their office as a secretary, I had no idea how to even use the scheduling system. Now, I will be doing their billing, working with insurance companies to settle claims, preparing their monthly deposits and essentially learning an entirely new skill set. Never ever ever in a million years would I have imagined this for myself. And it is for this very reason, that -when the opportunity was placed in front of me- I initially felt the need to reject it. ‘This doesn’t fit me’ accompanied by ‘I want more money’ and ‘what’s the point’ were just a few of the initial thoughts that popped up. However, as I was fighting it out with myself, I also KNEW that I was ABSOLUTELY going to take the job. Despite my inexperience and my fear of failing or becoming a person that I have never known myself to be (a thought that simultaneously excites and scares the poop out of me), I KNEW IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE. EXCAVATE YOUR OWN REALITY. If something feels right, even in the face of everything about it that could possibly ‘go wrong’, dig deeper into the place that feels right and start to build. Dig the shit out of the life that is in front of you, behind you, and all around you. Anything can be anything, it’s all in how you look at it. Excavate your own reality. What might be hiding in YOUR OWN backyard? What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
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What I know now, that I didn't know before: Honesty is the key. testimonial Tuesday #18 |
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What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
There is more to life than we know.
testimonial tuesday #17
I find it incredibly hard to imagine a future beyond what I have experienced in my past. Apparently, this has to do with the actual psycho-biological process and activity of the mind; idea being that the mind literally cannot envision something that has not happened yet. This might be like trying to picture color if you were born color blind, or trying to imagine what a Mozart symphony might sound like if you were born without the ability to hear. As we live and process the events of our lives, the mind breaks everything down into little tiny bits, which it then uses to try and formulate a vision for the future. However, if we are trying to formulate a vision for the future that is different from our past, how do we do this?
This is part of the work that I have done with Rachael over the last year (since last April). And while I’m not sure if there is a ‘technical’ answer the the question, I can tell you what I have learned so far:
This is part of the work that I have done with Rachael over the last year (since last April). And while I’m not sure if there is a ‘technical’ answer the the question, I can tell you what I have learned so far:
WHEN MOVING INTO A FUTURE THAT FEELS AUTHENTIC AND HONEST:
1. Pay attention to the feeling.
Not in the sense that we let our emotions dictate our lives, but pay attention to how you feel when you picture a certain scenario or place or career or even spending time doing something or interacting with anyone at all. Generally, if we look to our inner knowledge, we are able to sense how we feel about what we are about to do or what we are contemplating doing. Do the days events feel bright and joyful? Does spending time with your co-workers feel heavy or constricting? When you are faced with something that you feel like you SHOULD do, tune in to how you FEEL about it. Body knowledge is incredibly powerful, and I have found it to also be incredibly clear.
2. Take a deep breath.
The mind, God bless it, is built for ‘fixing’. It is like a drill or a calculator that never quite turns off.
When given something productive to do, it can lend its talents to creative problem solving and conflict resolution. However, when left with nothing to 'fix' it can just as quickly turn in on itself, creating problems where there are none, just so it has something to do. This is where breathing comes in. After you have that glorious moment of 'A-ha!' (thanks, in part, to the miraculous workings of the mind), notice how quickly the mind goes to work to start solving the 'problem' that it JUST FIXED. And instead of boarding that run away train, stop. Take a deep breath. And then another one. Give your brain the gift of oxygen and tune in to the present moment (where the mind and the heart meet). Take a deep breath, and give yourself some clarity, while giving your brain a rest. It works hard for you!
3. Accept that all things are possible.
When I asked the above question to a friend of mine, he had the following response:
"I’m confident that in order to accept things we cannot envision we must truly accept that all versions of that future are a possibility and not actively block or be blind to any opportunities that may arise along the path.” My work with Rachael has led me back to this idea time and time again; the acceptance that anything is possible.
Number three has been the hardest. I so strongly desire to know what is going to happen, that I have often attempted to live out the ending before the beginning even starts. This methodology does not allow for much flexibility, and generally sets me up for feeling let down. But the other way feels hard. Or, rather, the other way requires a lot of patience…and patience has never ben a virtue of mine :-).
On the flip side, when you DO choose to believe that all things are possible, it seems to let the brain expand. When I tell myself that all things are possible, my mind starts to come up with ideas for my life that I never would have dared to ponder in days gone by.
Perhaps this is something to keep in mind.
If you truly believed that anything is possible
and the future is yours for the making and taking;
Where would you go?
What would you do?
Who would you be?
and the future is yours for the making and taking;
Where would you go?
What would you do?
Who would you be?
When I ask myself that question, I find that I am actually moving in a direction that feels good…but there are many many miles to go before I sleep.
Perhaps this is the actual living that makes up a life...now there's a thought. :-)
If anything is possible...and anything IS possible...
then what do YOU want to create?
What do YOU know now,
that you didn't know before?
that you didn't know before?
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What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
The darkness is where the light gets in.
testimonial Tuesday #16
"You cannot selectively numb.
When you numb out in one area of your life, you numb in all areas of your life. This numbs the good along with the bad".
-Brené Brown
LMSW, PhD
Speaker, Author, Steward of Brilliance
LMSW, PhD
Speaker, Author, Steward of Brilliance
I love Brené Brown. And I LOVE that quote. I have carried it with me ever since the first time I heard her say it. The idea -to me- is pretty obvious, however, it came up in my recent session with Rachael in a way that I had yet to fully understand.
Recently, I have been grappling with the idea that ‘to feel good and light and buoyant in my life makes me naive and ungrounded'. Furthermore, I have held a strong idea that if I continue to invest in those aspects of myself, I will eventually float away into lala land where nothing is serious and where everything is sunshine and rainbows, and consequently, not real. Rachael and I discussed this in our work last Friday; that I LIKE feeling joyful and buoyant, but that I fear it will pull me away from the things that are keeping me grounded. The things that are keeping me ‘real’ and helping me to feel tethered to reality.
…Tethered to reality?
Does anyone ever associate being ‘tethered to something’ with being a joyful experience? Just saying the word makes my chest tighten. However, as Rachael and I worked though these ideas, a new thought dawned on me:
“With upwards expansion also comes great room for depth”.
This is where the Brene Brown quote comes in. When she speaks of selective numbing, she is addressing the fact that our positive emotions dwell from the same place within us as our negative ones. That we do not have a ‘sad’ box and a ‘happy’ box so to speak, and, likewise, we cannot turn one off and one on or one down and one up. If we really want to experience happy, then we must really be willing to experience sorrow and anger and confusion and all the other emotions to the same depths…for they all come from the same ocean. So, while I fear that feeling good will pull me out of reality -you know, the one I have created for myself that says that all things worth anything must be hard and painful- the REALITY is the that the greater my depth for feeling GOOD, the greater my DEPTH.
The stronger and deeper I allow myself to feel any ONE emotion will be the strength and depth at which I am able to feel anything/everything else.
Intimidating? A little.
Setting myself up for emotional overwhelm? Possible.
But if that is the case, than it is nothing that has not been waiting patiently beneath the surface for me to feel anyway.
Deeper capacity for joy=deeper capacity for love=deeper capacity for self assertion and so on.
Elevated levels of awareness=deeper levels of awareness.
Elevation=depth.
It all happens at the same time, all the time, whether we are aware of it or not.
Suddenly, I’m aware, and I begin to wonder; how much color has been missing from my life, for the simple fact that I have not wanted to muddy the waters with the colors I don’t enjoy as much as some of the other ones?
ie: how much brighter might I be, if I truly let myself experience darkness once in a while?
Perhaps it's time to celebrate the dark, for it is from darkness that the light is born.
How about you?
What light is hiding in your darkness?
Setting myself up for emotional overwhelm? Possible.
But if that is the case, than it is nothing that has not been waiting patiently beneath the surface for me to feel anyway.
Deeper capacity for joy=deeper capacity for love=deeper capacity for self assertion and so on.
Elevated levels of awareness=deeper levels of awareness.
Elevation=depth.
It all happens at the same time, all the time, whether we are aware of it or not.
Suddenly, I’m aware, and I begin to wonder; how much color has been missing from my life, for the simple fact that I have not wanted to muddy the waters with the colors I don’t enjoy as much as some of the other ones?
ie: how much brighter might I be, if I truly let myself experience darkness once in a while?
Perhaps it's time to celebrate the dark, for it is from darkness that the light is born.
How about you?
What light is hiding in your darkness?
What do YOU know now,
that you didn't know before?
that you didn't know before?
Have a testimonial you wish to share? Please do so! Feel free to leave it in the comments -or- | Want to learn more about Reiki, Centered Truth Energy Healing, and all things Rachael Ferrera? |
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Morgan Faulkner is a writer and life explorer. She lives in New Mexico.
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