What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
You have to go through the middle to get to the other side.
testimonial Tuesday #24
I have spent a lot of life examining the odds and outcomes. Repeatedly analyzing the paths that lie in front of me. Walking up to each open door, and attempting to know where the path will lead before even daring to put a single foot through. Sometimes, this is for fear of failure; that somehow, I will make the wrong choice and wind up back were I started, only with less time to 'figure my life out'. Other times, it is because something feels familiar, and I am certain that life is just trying to trick me into repeating the same mistakes once again. Luckily, regarding both of these ideas, my work with Rachael has expanded my outlook on all of the potential outcomes following each path, in a variety of ways. One of them being her call to trust that 'even when things look similar, they are not'. Another being her suggestion that whatever is out there waiting for you is on the other side of whatever is in front of you.
Currently, I live in Albuquerque. I have lived here before. I have returned home several times over the past several years. I have worked in restaurants and in offices and in theaters and in classrooms, doing similar -if not the same- work in a variety of places and capacities, and even dated the same people (literally and figuratively). However, I have also done a lot of work on my spirit. I have done a lot of work on my heart and on my mind, and what that has allowed me to understand is that when the expansion of all three combine -even in the face of seemingly repeated experiences- nothing is ever the same as it was before.
My work with Rachael has opened my heart.
It has taught me to think differently and to use different muscles.
It has shown me that the 'same path' that keeps leading me ‘back here’ is not actually leading me back at all.
It is carrying me forward, scenery be damned, in the direction of my greatest good.
Before working with Rachael, these ideas were -to me- just that; ideas. Figments of my imagination. Beautiful ways of living life that we made for other people (people who deserved to live in peace). Ideas that I loved and longed to integrate into the fibers of my being, but for some reason, was not able to do so.
Or, perhaps, I was not willing to do so.
After all, who am I to have faith? Who am I to be unafraid?
Now, thanks to Rachael; to her heart -which she shares effortlessly- her guidance, and our combined efforts over the past six months (and the six months before that), I can tell you who I am: I am one of those people.
One of those people that trusts the path, even when no one else does. Even when it is covered in sand and mud and I have to climb over a bunch of boulders or a mountain to get to the other side, and even when I am the only one who can see where I am going; I trust the path. I know that my life is moving in the direction of my greatest good.
A year ago, there was fear.
Then I went through the middle.
(Kicking and screaming with Rachael by my side)
Now, there is faith.
This week, I have been presented (many times) with the choice to walk forward in faith, straight through the middle of what lies ahead. My life has been full of surprises in the last couple of months, and with that exciting ‘lack’ of control, comes to life the part of me that wants to control everything. But I know better. I know that THAT is not how any of this works. I have learned it time and time again on my own and have refined my understanding of it in my work and writing with Rachael. The only way to truly understand what lies in front of you and how it is going to affect your life or make you feel, is to LIVE it. To move through it. To walk straight into the cloud of dust that life has kicked up, and trust that even if you fall off a cliff, it is because there is something truly spectacular waiting for you at the bottom.
The only way to get to the other side, is through the middle.
Onward through the middle I go.
I've got a parachute, see any cliffs nearby?
What do YOU know now,
that you didn't know before?