What I know now, that I didn't know before: Everything and nothing at the same time. testimonial Tuesday #26I say that, accompanied with a small grain of salt on the side. Sure there are things that I know. But they are not the things that I thought I knew to be true for most of my life, or at least the time before Rachael and I crossed paths. It took us several attempts at working together before the doors finally opened and it was clear to both of us that it was time. Over the past 2 years, I have bounced from St. Louis to New Mexico to New York to Oregon to New Mexico, and as often as I have needed or wanted her help, Rachael has taught me that who I have really been needing and wanting, has been mySELF. The last year with Rachael has changed my life. But again, not in a way I would have expected. Everything has changed, and yet nothing seems that different. The course of my life has definitely shifted, but the changes have been completely organic. Perhaps this is because I was and have been following my true path all along, even in the moments when the road got bumpy and I couldn't see where I was going. Before Rachael, I though that I walking down the wrong road. I wanted her help to 'fix' my course and get me walking in the 'right' direction. Instead, what Rachael has taught me is that life is not about the achievement of our goals or walking the 'right' path but rather, life is about who we discover ourselves to be along the journey. What I know now that I didn’t know before is, essentially, that I don’t know shit about shit. :-) That the more you know, the more you realize you don't know... Simultaneously, however, this has come with the discovery that everything I need to know to live my fullest life is already within me. In our time working together, Rachael has put me in touch with my inner voice, and helped me learn its language. She didn’t set my entire life on a new trajectory or fix my problems or lead me to lose 10 pounds (all former goals of mine). Instead, she held a mirror up to what was already there, and after a years worth of work, I can now hold the mirror up for myself. Where there was a girl striving for acceptance, I now see a woman who knows that the only acceptance I have ever been striving for is my own. Where there was a bumbling lack of clear communication, there is now a voice that flows freely and with gargantuan volume. Where there was a suffocating grasp on ‘the plan’, there is now a loose outline with a solid core. A strong core. A core that can take punches and still rise towards the sun. A core that can bend and twist as needed. A core that can hold me up for all of my journey. The day after my last session with Rachael, I found out that I got into graduate school. Talk about a surprise punch to the gut. Yes, I was anticipating the acceptance or rejection, but -as I have learned over the last year- you never really know how you're going to feel until you are staring into the mouth of the dragon, wondering if it wants to eat you or just carry you around safely from place to place. Acceptance to grad school felt like this. It felt like someone pulled the e-brake on my life; filling me with thrill and terror and ‘what if’s galore, reminding me that life can change directions at any moment. But what I know now-thanks to Rachael- is also this: I asked, and the Universe answered. I held an idea, and the Universe gave me its essence. What I thought was going to look one way has shown up looking drastically different. And while I know all of this to be true, I also know that I know nothing about the glory that lies in front of me. I know that even though I never would have imagined this life a year ago, that I have been walking slowly up to this door the entire time, knowing that I desperately wanted to knock, but scared that if I did, someone might answer...and then what? In the first session I EVER had with Rachael, she mentioned the feeling that there was something else I wanted. Something that I had always wanted to be since I was little, a path that I had always been curious about, but had yet to allow myself to explore. A year later, I'm on it. I am walking down that road, hand in hand with myself, filled with a love and acceptance of this life that I had never experienced before Rachael opened my heart, week after week, session after session. Because of her, I am free. Free to know what I have always known, and free to walk forward in faith, knowing I just might know nothing at all about what lies ahead, and that that is totally ok, because life is a gift. And, as with any gift, at LEAST half of the fun is in the un-wrapping. In the discovery of what lies underneath. My work with Rachael has been just that; a steady unwrapping of one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. A Final Testimonial: Rachael. Has. Changed. My. Life. For the good, for the better, and forever. And despite all that I have written, there will never be words enough to express all that she has shown me to be true about true existence. Here's to the last 12 months. Here’s to life. And here’s to Tuesday’s. Thanks for joining the ride. :-) What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before? TESTIMONIAL TUESDAYS.
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What I know now, that I didn't know before: I know now what I didn’t know before. testimonial Tuesday #25There will always be room for growth. There will always be learning. But the catch that has caught me repeatedly in my past has been my tendency to hear without really listening. To learn without accepting. To be honest without acknowledging it. It has been almost a year since I stared working with Rachael, and as we hone in on our last session together…I am able to see that I have finally started digesting our time. Not only have I digested it, but I have let it feed and nourish me in ways exponential. What started as an exploration in energy (and a search for the next great teacher of my life), has come to its final stretch. As such, I would be remiss not to mention my ‘celebration phone call’ with Rachael last Tuesday. This is a bonus session with Rachael in which she takes the time to honor all that you have learned and gained (and released) throughout the work. It is a beautiful moment in which you are invited to sit back and relax and really revel in what you have been able to look at and process and revolutionize in your life, and to be honored for the hard work that you have put in. It is no small feat to enter into a relationship with another human in which you KNOW that you are going to have to get -more or less- super uncomfortable, even if just for a bit…knowing that the real rewards are on the other side. Over the last year, I got super uncomfortable. I pulled out every old wound and scar and lie that had ever been told; either to myself or others, and one by one, Rachael and I had the chance to decide: “keep or get rid of”. (I use this analogy because originally, she compared our work together of that of cleaning out one’s closet.) It was hard. It was not sunshine and rainbows. It was more like scrubbing and disinfecting. And while this may sound unattractive to some, the reality is that if we do not tend to our wounds properly, then eventually we have to open them up, clean them out, and start the healing process all over again. You can choose to do this work, or you can choose not to. Many choose not to. But, if you are one of the lucky souls who chooses to really look at what makes themselves tick, you might also be one of the lucky souls to be blessed with an incredible guide. Perhaps someone who has a spirit as light as the one you have always hoped to evolve into being. Perhaps Rachael can be your guide, just as she has been mine. Or perhaps you will seek guidance in other ways. Whatever you choose, know this: If you set out on the path, at some point, you must choose to KNOW what you know, and then, to ACCEPT it. Most importantly, you must know that this knowing does not come from your chosen leader or from any other outside source. This knowing comes from deep within yourself. The journey is not one that can be taken by foot, and the only way to find the entry point is to turn around and sit down with your own presence. I have always known what I 'didn’t' know. Reiki taught me that. On some level, we all know. We know what we want, we know what we are after, we know what stands in our way and why we let it stand there and how we might move through it. We already know what we claim that we don’t. The trick is being brave enough to admit it to ourselves. A guide like Rachael is handy for the last part. For holding your hand and gently walking you to the gates of your soul. To the gates of bliss or Heaven or whatever else that might feel like to you. For me, Rachael has walked me to wholeness. To fullness. To the understanding that, while the parts are essential for living an expressive and interesting life, the whole is truly greater than the sum (of its parts). What's more, I see now that the whole has been whole all along. I have been whole all along, I just wasn’t a huge fan of what was making me that way. Kind of like having a closet fully STUFFED with clothes, and realizing that you only ever wear the same three things anyway. Rachael changed that. She helped me pull everything out and piece by piece, decide what feel authentic and what didn't, and where the gaps were. She helped my fill in the essential holes of my emotional wardrobe. And then I put it on. And now, I know how to dress myself in it everyday. It feels pretty damn good. I know now what I didn’t know before; that I am me, I always have been, and now, (thanks to Rachael) I know who that is. Bad ass. What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
What I know now, that I didn't know before: You have to go through the middle to get to the other side. testimonial Tuesday #24I have spent a lot of life examining the odds and outcomes. Repeatedly analyzing the paths that lie in front of me. Walking up to each open door, and attempting to know where the path will lead before even daring to put a single foot through. Sometimes, this is for fear of failure; that somehow, I will make the wrong choice and wind up back were I started, only with less time to 'figure my life out'. Other times, it is because something feels familiar, and I am certain that life is just trying to trick me into repeating the same mistakes once again. Luckily, regarding both of these ideas, my work with Rachael has expanded my outlook on all of the potential outcomes following each path, in a variety of ways. One of them being her call to trust that 'even when things look similar, they are not'. Another being her suggestion that whatever is out there waiting for you is on the other side of whatever is in front of you. Currently, I live in Albuquerque. I have lived here before. I have returned home several times over the past several years. I have worked in restaurants and in offices and in theaters and in classrooms, doing similar -if not the same- work in a variety of places and capacities, and even dated the same people (literally and figuratively). However, I have also done a lot of work on my spirit. I have done a lot of work on my heart and on my mind, and what that has allowed me to understand is that when the expansion of all three combine -even in the face of seemingly repeated experiences- nothing is ever the same as it was before. My work with Rachael has opened my heart. It has taught me to think differently and to use different muscles. It has shown me that the 'same path' that keeps leading me ‘back here’ is not actually leading me back at all. It is carrying me forward, scenery be damned, in the direction of my greatest good. Before working with Rachael, these ideas were -to me- just that; ideas. Figments of my imagination. Beautiful ways of living life that we made for other people (people who deserved to live in peace). Ideas that I loved and longed to integrate into the fibers of my being, but for some reason, was not able to do so. Or, perhaps, I was not willing to do so. After all, who am I to have faith? Who am I to be unafraid? Now, thanks to Rachael; to her heart -which she shares effortlessly- her guidance, and our combined efforts over the past six months (and the six months before that), I can tell you who I am: I am one of those people. One of those people that trusts the path, even when no one else does. Even when it is covered in sand and mud and I have to climb over a bunch of boulders or a mountain to get to the other side, and even when I am the only one who can see where I am going; I trust the path. I know that my life is moving in the direction of my greatest good. A year ago, there was fear. Then I went through the middle. (Kicking and screaming with Rachael by my side) Now, there is faith. This week, I have been presented (many times) with the choice to walk forward in faith, straight through the middle of what lies ahead. My life has been full of surprises in the last couple of months, and with that exciting ‘lack’ of control, comes to life the part of me that wants to control everything. But I know better. I know that THAT is not how any of this works. I have learned it time and time again on my own and have refined my understanding of it in my work and writing with Rachael. The only way to truly understand what lies in front of you and how it is going to affect your life or make you feel, is to LIVE it. To move through it. To walk straight into the cloud of dust that life has kicked up, and trust that even if you fall off a cliff, it is because there is something truly spectacular waiting for you at the bottom. The only way to get to the other side, is through the middle. Onward through the middle I go. I've got a parachute, see any cliffs nearby? What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
What I know now, that I didn't know before: The story writes itself. testimonial Tuesday #23Perhaps you want a pet. Perhaps, to you, this implies the acquisition of a dog or a cat. However... perhaps life wants you to have…a frog. It could even be a magic frog -you know, the kind that you kiss, and a prince (or a Lamborghini or the perfect career) pops out. BUT, because when you think pet, you think ‘cat or dog’, you proceed to NOT recognize that life is trying to hand you exactly what you’ve been asking for -even going to far as to place it on your doorstep and ring the doorbell- and so, instead of exploring what lies directly in front of you, you open the door, see a frog…and walk away. Then you call pest control. Sound familiar? The underlying message has been the foundation of my work with Rachael over the past year. Through her teachings and my willingness to absorb them, I have come to understand that one of the hardest things about receiving the gifts that we ask for, is learning to STOP EXPECTING IT to look the way you had always thought (or always hoped) that it would. When I first started working with Rachael, I approached our work and her magical abilities as more of a psychic presence. I felt like working with her and doing a little soul searching was all that would be needed to clear any blockages that stood between me and the life I was after. It took many sessions before I really stopped to contemplate whether I wanted to continue putting precious collaborative energy into things that I had originally wanted. For example, I spent a lot of time and energy talking with Rachael about Broadway and my desires to be successful, but only after many months of working together was I able to actually hear her when she said to me -something to the likes of- “you know, you have this long list of wants, and this deep desire to be successful, but nowhere on that list do you say that you want to be a successful-Broadway performer”. Huh. Maybe I really DO want a frog. *** This weekend, I got to spend some wonderful time with an old friend. Someone who I spent many years wondering if I would ever see or hear from again. But, as life has a mind of its own, we once again found ourselves at the same crossroads, and decided to walk together for a while. It was during this walk that it really hit me: The story writes itself. In fact, life writes the story for us. We are the creators of our own destiny, and simultaneously, at no point are we in complete control of anything. We have the incredible ability to manifest our hearts desire, but that same ability can blind us from seeing what is already right in front of us. The more time I spend working with Rachael, the more I feel myself allowing life to happen. The more I allow life to happen and just ride the wave (instead of trying to sandbag myself) the more I believe that our true purpose on this Earth is to become strong enough and wise enough to dance with life in the way that life wants to dance with us. To open the door when life knocks. To kiss the frog. Life knocks, and we answer. Or we don’t. The story gets written either way. Any frogs on your doorstep recently? What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
What I know now, that I didn't know before: Feelings are currency, and needs change. testimonial Tuesday #22In session #11, Rachael and I talked about needs and wants. And money. We addressed the reality that NEEDS CHANGE. That WANTS change. And that the need and want for money and all that it has to ‘offer’ changes as well. In my recent history, I have not been in the position to need anything beyond what was absolutely necessary (food and shelter, clothes on my back, some kind of income etc.) for the general functioning of my life. As I move into this next chapter -one in which abundant ease and joy have finally made it onto the list of bare necessities- I have had to address the fact that I no longer wish to live on crumbs, and perhaps more importantly (and with a lot of help from Rachael), I have had to start letting it be OK that I no longer wish to do so. As I move beyond the life I have always known and into a life that is unfamiliar (yet deeply satisfying), my needs are shifting. A lot. And, as it turns out, I have a lot of feelings about it. This week, I left my second job (server at an upscale steak house). Having that job was helpful and necessary during the transition from no-work (in January) to my current forty-hour work week, but I promised myself that when it was time, I would let it go. And recently, thanks in large part to my work with Rachael, I was able to start picking up on the Universal pull to do just that; to let it go. To create space for whatever is coming next (a level of awareness that I attribute largely to reiki work and energy clearing). As I discussed this -and my hesitation at giving up the extra income- with Rachael, she presented me with the following idea: ‘Feelings as currency’. Feelings as currency. (Needs Change.) About 77% of that made sense to me during our session. Then, I gave up my second job. I was nervous, but my needs were changing ie; the need to make extra cash was becoming outweighed by the need for an enjoyable existence outside of work which means the time to hike, sleep, watch movies, hang with friends, do nothing…all of which you don’t get when you choose to work constantly. Feelings as currency. (Needs change.) The morning after I gave up my second job, I woke up feeling nervous…and ten pounds lighter. “But what about the money??!?!”…feelings as currency…Rachael’s words keep ringing over and over in my ears… feelings as currency… feelings as currency…and then it hit me. If FEELINGS can also be counted as currency, then my feelings of joy and elation at having free weekends, at having the option to sleep in after a week of work, at having time to take care of myself might all prove to be worth more than the extra cash. Perhaps feelings truly ARE another form of currency, albeit a slightly foreign one. Perhaps truly LIVING the life that I have been working so hard to pay for is equally as important as being able to pay for it. Perhaps giving up tangible currency in the short term isn’t really giving up currency at all. It is simply allowing it to change form. If I FEEL how I want to FEEL, and I feel it a lot MORE when I am NOT working two jobs, then isn’t my NEED for abundance being met? If I am allowing myself the time and space to take care of my physical, emotional and spiritual needs -all of which makes me feel good- and I am considering my feelings a FORM of currency, then aren't I doubling or even tripling my income? It may sound like a stretch, but I can tell you this: It FEELS right on the money. If feelings are currency, then it is no mistake that I have chosen to pursue emotional and spiritual health and cleansing via my work with Rachael, in exchange for tangible currency. What’s more, I am certain that without doing THIS work, I would not be able to recognize true wealth of any kind. Even if it bought me a yacht. And yes, I understand that my feelings about having a yacht cannot actually make the down payment, but my feelings about my life and my needs and how well they are being met could definitely contribute to me being the kind of person who figures out how to buy a freakin’ yacht… and one who can figure out how to pay for it. How much life could YOU buy with the contents of your emotional bank account? What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
What I know now, that I didn't know before: I will NEVER be skinny… enough. testimonial Tuesday #21When Rachael and I first started working together (almost an entire YEAR ago), my general m.o. was as follows: 1. Make big plans. 2. Make sure that they are big enough to garner a lot of admiration for attempting to follow through on trying to achieve them. 3. Simultaneously, trap myself in the cycle of ‘attempting to follow through with those plans’ in a way that keeps me from ever having to actually achieve anything. 4. Lather, rinse, repeat. Essentially, Procrastinate while hiding behind the guise of making progress. And, most importantly, decide that YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THAT WHICH YOU DESIRE UNTIL YOU ACHIEVE THOSE UN-ACHIEVABLE GOALS. After all, happiness is only ten pounds away…and then again…and then again…and then again…and then a contract…and then a certain amount of money in the bank…and then the right job/car/house/boyfriend/clothing/goals/world contributions/volunteer hours/etc. I can still remember with crystal clarity the moment I revealed to Rachael that it is easier for me to go after things that I don’t really care about, then to go after the things that I do. I was scared, and somewhere in my mind, I figured that if I dedicated myself to the pursuit of things that I was less passionate about, then I was less likely to get hurt when they didn't work out. Between then and now, there has been a major shift. For a long time, our work was about understanding why I had been living and believing the way that I was. Now, our work is about discovering how to live and believe the way that I wish to do so from this point forward. Most recently, my session with Rachael was about raising my energetic frequency in order to live a life as joyful as the one that I was constantly projecting into my future. We spoke about the reality in which I had been living; one in which the weight of the world was heavy, and it was my job to shoulder the burden. You know, the one which I had been perpetuating for myself. I told her that to feel happy and hopeful felt childish. She told me that it felt childish because the last time I had truly let myself feel that way -and believe it- was when I was a child. I told her that she was right. We laughed. She reminded me that the natural order of the Universe IS one of joy and hope and peace and ease, in which all dreams are worthy of affection, and truly ANYTHING is possible. It is possible to live life with the joy and exuberance that I wish to possess, and to do it NOW. I do not HAVE to wait until I lose ten pounds or have the right job/car/house/boyfriend/clothing/goals etc. It’s not that I cannot have, do or be any of those things, it’s not even about the things. It’s not about being skinny. It has NEVER been about being skinny. The ‘being skinny’ has just been a metaphor for WAITING until I feel WORTHY of living the life that I desire. This week, I stopped waiting. This week, it finally hit me: I get to be me. I get to be who I am. Who I have discovered myself to be, MUCH to the credit of my work with Rachael. I get to be the woman that I have discovered underneath everything that Rachael and I have cleared out of my 'emotional closet'. What’s funny is that I never realized -up until this week- that what was underneath all of that crap, was me. IS me. I was never on the outside looking in, but rather, I have always been deep within, trying to get out. And the whole idea of ‘enough’, is simply a ploy to keep me locked up; buried underneath the weight of expectations; both from others, and from myself. This week, I realized that I will probably never be skinny 'enough'. Because there is never enough- enough. When the goal is external, and the means by which we measure ourselves are not truly born from ourselves, then we can never stack up. This, I have learned repeatedly, time and time again in my life. However, it never sank in, until I started energy work. Until there was enough space cleared with-in that I no longer had to look with-out. Skinny enough? Compared to whom? And to be deserving of what? Is a genius un-worthy of his million-dollar idea, simply because he is not a millionaire before he has it? Should a dreamer stop dreaming once she realizes that all her dreams can come true? Why would anyone wait to be themselves, ever? As someone who has waited, all I can tell you is that I am so glad to know that I don’t have to any more. And neither do you. What are YOU waiting for? What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
What I know now, that I didn't know before: I am super fu*king smart. testimonial Tuesday #20A few years back, a good friend of mine was offered an amazing job. To her, it was totally out of the blue and she couldn’t believe that she had duped someone in to hiring her for something that she was “so obviously not qualified to be doing”. To the rest of us, it was so obvious that she WAS so qualified for the position and was hired -in large part- due to her outstanding qualifications, and also -in some other faction- based on the FACT that she is a total bad ass. Many months later, after she was really in to the swing of things at her new job, I sat next to her on her couch one night and watched her move lots of numbers around between different spread sheets. I had no clue what I was looking at. However, to my friend, it was easy and obvious. A piece of cake. When I asked her about it, she said something to the likes of “I don’t know, it just make sense to me. It doesn’t really feel all that hard.” I equate this to a native Mandarin speaker explaining how the language is not really that difficult once you get the hang of it. Natural skills and abilities can vary so drastically from one person to the next, that it is easy -as an onlooker- to assume that someone is super successful or talented because they have worked incredibly hard to be that way. And in many cases, that is true. My friend -the one with all the spread sheets- she works her ASS of at everything she does. She has for her entire life. However, I believe that it would also behoove us to examine the natural talents and abilities that we were born with, and perhaps, start to look at them as the key to all of the doors we have been trying to open ... but haven't been able to find. Perhaps you feel like you've been looking for that 'thing' or the answer to that question that you can never quite seem to ask...and what I have come to realize is that, perhaps, is it not such a mystery after all. It is so easy to take our natural abilities for granted. Especially if we have grown up knowing ourselves to be really good at something and not especially good at something else. It is easy to undermine our innate talents, simply because they are ours – they have always been there- and therefor, they are not special or unique... and THEREFOR, they are not worth pursuing. In a day and age where we thrive on comparison and have access to what every other person on the planet is doing and all hours of the day, it can be incredibly easy to lose sight of who we are and what we are truly called to do. This week, I started my new job. It has taught me many things already, but the two most important seem to be this: 1. I am really good with numbers. I have always known this, but as it did not seem cool or like a big deal, it went overlooked. And 2. I am really smart. Like, smarter than I have ever known myself to be. I entered an entirely new world this week, and in very short order, became quite fluent in the language. And let me tell you, it feels really really good. Especially after a lifetime of thinking that my only contributable-to-the-world-skills lied in my stage presence and performance ability. This week I worked 40 hours at a desk in an office (MY office), staring at a computer screen, inputting numbers and data, preparing deposits, filing insurance claims, and solving other people’s problems. I didn’t wear makeup, I drank way too much coffee, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I felt like a human being with a driving purpose. I felt excited. I felt inspired. I felt like I never wanted to stop doing what I was doing. I had to pry myself away from my desk at the end of each day, and I was eager to get back to it the next morning. I felt appreciated, respected, trusted, and most of all, I felt really freakin smart. I’ve never really felt smart. I always knew that I had a very active brain, and that I retained a lot of knowledge from my personal attempts at continued enlightenment…but never smart. Never book smart, or brainy, or even a little bit like a nerd. Now, I feel like a total nerd. And I love it. I had no idea that this part of me existed. I had no idea that I had been shutting her out for so long. I had no clue that she was -or is- indeed, so very smart, and so very much a part of me. I love her :-) What comes naturally to YOU, that you might be overlooking? What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
What I know now, that I didn't know before: You must excavate your own reality. testimonial Tuesday #19 To live the life you most desire takes work. And yes, I know we have all become hyper aware of the power of positive thinking and imagination, but when it comes right down to it, nothing happens without aligned action. Ie: If you want to win the lottery, you have to buy the ticket. All the positive thinking and prayers and affirmations in the world aren’t going to do jack-diddly without the final component; you. I mentioned to Rachael in my most recent session that I felt scared because I am starting to take action in my own life based merely on the instinct to do so. What this is looking like is saying yes or no to opportunities because my gut is telling me to say yes or no. Sometimes, this means saying no to things that look really appealing, but just don’t feel right. Other times, this means saying yes to things that look NOTHING like ANYTHING I would EVER see myself doing, but something about it feels totally right. In hindsight, this has basically been the mission on this whole quest for self-discovery; to be able to make decisions quickly, without second guessing myself. However, it gets tricky when you start watching yourself take giant leaps towards opportunities that -only months ago- might have never even caught your attention. Most recently, this came in the form of an answered prayer. Another of many. This prayer was for stability. Was for the ability to make a particular amount of money each week, and for a life that felt fresh and exciting and ‘adult-y’’ and like my OWN. Last week, I was offered a new job. One that feels stimulating and exciting...and that I have never done before. (This feels alot like one of those situations in which people say “if you would have told me a month ago that ____________, I would have never believed you”.) This week I start my work as a medical coder and biller for an independent Psychology and Psychiatry practice, which within it holds some of the finest practitioners in all of New Mexico. Three weeks ago, when I started working in their office as a secretary, I had no idea how to even use the scheduling system. Now, I will be doing their billing, working with insurance companies to settle claims, preparing their monthly deposits and essentially learning an entirely new skill set. Never ever ever in a million years would I have imagined this for myself. And it is for this very reason, that -when the opportunity was placed in front of me- I initially felt the need to reject it. ‘This doesn’t fit me’ accompanied by ‘I want more money’ and ‘what’s the point’ were just a few of the initial thoughts that popped up. However, as I was fighting it out with myself, I also KNEW that I was ABSOLUTELY going to take the job. Despite my inexperience and my fear of failing or becoming a person that I have never known myself to be (a thought that simultaneously excites and scares the poop out of me), I KNEW IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE. EXCAVATE YOUR OWN REALITY. If something feels right, even in the face of everything about it that could possibly ‘go wrong’, dig deeper into the place that feels right and start to build. Dig the shit out of the life that is in front of you, behind you, and all around you. Anything can be anything, it’s all in how you look at it. Excavate your own reality. What might be hiding in YOUR OWN backyard? What do YOU know now, that you didn't know before?
What I know now, that I didn't know before: Honesty is the key. testimonial Tuesday #18 |
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What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
What I know now,
that I didn't know before:
There is more to life than we know.
testimonial tuesday #17
I find it incredibly hard to imagine a future beyond what I have experienced in my past. Apparently, this has to do with the actual psycho-biological process and activity of the mind; idea being that the mind literally cannot envision something that has not happened yet. This might be like trying to picture color if you were born color blind, or trying to imagine what a Mozart symphony might sound like if you were born without the ability to hear. As we live and process the events of our lives, the mind breaks everything down into little tiny bits, which it then uses to try and formulate a vision for the future. However, if we are trying to formulate a vision for the future that is different from our past, how do we do this?
This is part of the work that I have done with Rachael over the last year (since last April). And while I’m not sure if there is a ‘technical’ answer the the question, I can tell you what I have learned so far:
This is part of the work that I have done with Rachael over the last year (since last April). And while I’m not sure if there is a ‘technical’ answer the the question, I can tell you what I have learned so far:
WHEN MOVING INTO A FUTURE THAT FEELS AUTHENTIC AND HONEST:
1. Pay attention to the feeling.
Not in the sense that we let our emotions dictate our lives, but pay attention to how you feel when you picture a certain scenario or place or career or even spending time doing something or interacting with anyone at all. Generally, if we look to our inner knowledge, we are able to sense how we feel about what we are about to do or what we are contemplating doing. Do the days events feel bright and joyful? Does spending time with your co-workers feel heavy or constricting? When you are faced with something that you feel like you SHOULD do, tune in to how you FEEL about it. Body knowledge is incredibly powerful, and I have found it to also be incredibly clear.
2. Take a deep breath.
The mind, God bless it, is built for ‘fixing’. It is like a drill or a calculator that never quite turns off.
When given something productive to do, it can lend its talents to creative problem solving and conflict resolution. However, when left with nothing to 'fix' it can just as quickly turn in on itself, creating problems where there are none, just so it has something to do. This is where breathing comes in. After you have that glorious moment of 'A-ha!' (thanks, in part, to the miraculous workings of the mind), notice how quickly the mind goes to work to start solving the 'problem' that it JUST FIXED. And instead of boarding that run away train, stop. Take a deep breath. And then another one. Give your brain the gift of oxygen and tune in to the present moment (where the mind and the heart meet). Take a deep breath, and give yourself some clarity, while giving your brain a rest. It works hard for you!
3. Accept that all things are possible.
When I asked the above question to a friend of mine, he had the following response:
"I’m confident that in order to accept things we cannot envision we must truly accept that all versions of that future are a possibility and not actively block or be blind to any opportunities that may arise along the path.” My work with Rachael has led me back to this idea time and time again; the acceptance that anything is possible.
Number three has been the hardest. I so strongly desire to know what is going to happen, that I have often attempted to live out the ending before the beginning even starts. This methodology does not allow for much flexibility, and generally sets me up for feeling let down. But the other way feels hard. Or, rather, the other way requires a lot of patience…and patience has never ben a virtue of mine :-).
On the flip side, when you DO choose to believe that all things are possible, it seems to let the brain expand. When I tell myself that all things are possible, my mind starts to come up with ideas for my life that I never would have dared to ponder in days gone by.
Perhaps this is something to keep in mind.
If you truly believed that anything is possible
and the future is yours for the making and taking;
Where would you go?
What would you do?
Who would you be?
and the future is yours for the making and taking;
Where would you go?
What would you do?
Who would you be?
When I ask myself that question, I find that I am actually moving in a direction that feels good…but there are many many miles to go before I sleep.
Perhaps this is the actual living that makes up a life...now there's a thought. :-)
If anything is possible...and anything IS possible...
then what do YOU want to create?
What do YOU know now,
that you didn't know before?
that you didn't know before?
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Morgan Faulkner is a writer and life explorer. She lives in New Mexico.
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