The moment before:
I am feeling uneasy. Having just had a conversation with a friend that left me feeling like I had, once again, let someone down while attempting to take care of myself, I find my self writing the following words about pedestals:
I need to acknowledge my fear of losing people.
I keep them on pedestals, keeping them captive; prisoners of my love and reverence, unable to truly connect because I have not allowed them any space to be human.
On pedestals, they cannot leave. Once pedestals come down, they are free to go. And they can actually see me. And I can actually see them.
And then what will we do? What will I really think of them? And them of me? Who will stay, and who will go, and who will I want to leave?
And who are all the people here on the ground that I’m not seeing because I have been too busy looking up???
How do I start this?
Immediately, I hear Rachael's voice;
'let it breathe'
As a wise woman once said:
To me, reiki feels like a warm rain, slowly percolating its was through my entire body. Sensations thus far include-but are not limited to- Extreme elation-to the point of tears-, Sudden onsets of laughter and the giggles, Super deep restorative rest, Warm and assuring inner peace, and what can only be described as An open channel-head to toe- in which I can feel the entire Universe rushing through.
At first,I was speculative about receiving reiki over the phone. I was fairly certain that touch was necessary. But, as my mother reminded me, energy is everywhere and everything. You do not have to be face to face with someone to tap into their source supply. It's kind of like how you can just feel when someone you love is upset or having a bad day...that's the power of energy.
And as she speaks, I feel the energy turning inside me, just like you would turn around to
see what kept distracting you from behind...