My current state of being without much explanation:
I am messy and ungrounded. I am at a loss. Everything is out of my body and up in the air, which is a wild feeling. Mostly, I feel like I am reaching for something to grab onto, but when I can let myself breathe into the madness of it all…it is kind of exhilarating. I am scared of all the unknowns and scared to rest. Scared to take the summer off from really trying to DO anything major with my life for fear that if I stop pushing, life will stop happening.
So, I’m back in New York for the third time in my life; a place that hastraditionally been all about Broadway. As in; Broadway or bust/Broadway is the only reason I’m here/once I get on Broadway, I will be free to leave/happy/fulfilled…
I haven’t been to an audition in probably a month.
I haven’t exercised in just as long.
I am working as a receptionist and part-time nanny.
I feel totally confused and afraid not to care or worry.
I feel reeeeeally tired.
I feel like I got back to NYC and picked up right where I left off as a 27 year old and am now, once again, swimming through a crater sized lagoon of my old pit-falls;
I am not _________ enough.
I should just _________ so that I can be enough.
Hopefully, once I have/do/become _________, I will be enough...