“Everything I ever let go of has claw marks on it” |
“I want to be OK with being here and with building here” I say. | “This all feels quite heavy to you” Rachael notes. |
Yes, it feels VERY heavy.
Rachael draws my attention to the sensation of being trapped in the problem –energetically speaking, where I am constantly seeking a solution, and doing so with the same mindset that is creating/living the problem in the first place-, and requests that as she does the energy clearing, I let myself rise out of the problem, and feel for the solution.
And with that, we begin.
(This part always makes me smile)
I lye back and hear Rachael say “Talk to you in a bit” following which she mutes the phone on her end and I drift off into a blissful cloud of nothingness. I take a few deep breaths and instantly feel the rays of sunny warmth that I have come to associate with Rachael’s healing-powers wash over me, as the heavy, stale energy is lifted from my vibrational field. Although each session is different, the essence is a lot like coming up for air after a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally long swim;
(This part always makes me smile)
I lye back and hear Rachael say “Talk to you in a bit” following which she mutes the phone on her end and I drift off into a blissful cloud of nothingness. I take a few deep breaths and instantly feel the rays of sunny warmth that I have come to associate with Rachael’s healing-powers wash over me, as the heavy, stale energy is lifted from my vibrational field. Although each session is different, the essence is a lot like coming up for air after a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally long swim;
like you didn’t even notice how depleted your energy was until you were able to take a full breath.
This process, which is referred to as energy tracing, is incredibly transformative. It’s a conversation with your inner most knowing’s; the places inside of you that are totally tuned in with your heart and all of your senses, but are so frequently drowned out by all the life crap, that you really need a translator to communicate between the two worlds.
Rachael is one such person.
Rachael is one such person.
She worked for about fifteen minutes, following which she came back on line with a LOT of information to share with me about what I was experiencing internally.
This, I have lovingly come to refer to, as ‘Chakra talk’, and it is one of my most favorite parts of our sessions together. Rachael goes thru each chakra (the energy centers of our body), clarifying what each one represents, and then sharing with me the particular message/s that are resonating within.
And if you’re still confused, picture it like this;
This, I have lovingly come to refer to, as ‘Chakra talk’, and it is one of my most favorite parts of our sessions together. Rachael goes thru each chakra (the energy centers of our body), clarifying what each one represents, and then sharing with me the particular message/s that are resonating within.
And if you’re still confused, picture it like this;
You wander lost for some time –knowing that there was something that you were supposed to do, but not certain of what it was- until one day, you’re out of toilet paper and you reach in your back pocket hoping to find a suitable replacement, only to pull the map that you had completely forgotten about out of your pocket... |
...decide that you are going to find that damn treasure once and for all...
and then realize that you’re going to need a really good Sherpa.
and then realize that you’re going to need a really good Sherpa.
-SEE METAPHORICAL SHERPA IMAGES BELOW-
RACHAEL is the best
sherpa.
CHAKRA-TALK 7.0: | (Listed below in bold is the information that Rachael ‘translated’ -on my behalf- back to me, from myself. The italicized comments are my real time responses to the information I was given.) |
Crown- The highest chakra represents our ability to be fully connected spiritually.
Oh my god I am so scared of making the wrong choice; scared of judgment. Scared of disappointment…from self???
Yes, I am absolutely terrified of making the wrong choice. I feel like I have a destiny to fulfill, and that if I don’t stick to the right path and the right choices, I will screw everything up, my life will have been a waste, and I will never get anywhere.
Release the idea that there’s a right choice and a wrong choice
Fuckin GAME CHANGER.
There is no right or wrong choice, there is only the choice that you (I) MAKE, and then the Universe calculates/works around YOU to keep you on track?!?! Can it be so? I mean, I have always known and believed this to be true for OTHER people, but hearing the words come straight at me made a great big world of difference.
There is no right or wrong choice, there is only the choice that you (I) MAKE, and then the Universe calculates/works around YOU to keep you on track?!?! Can it be so? I mean, I have always known and believed this to be true for OTHER people, but hearing the words come straight at me made a great big world of difference.
“There’s so much available to me and it could be anywhere!”- instead of this idea feeling freeing to you it is feeling like…’oh god it could be anywhere so I have to FIND the RIGHT place’….as opposed to ‘it is everywhere and can find you wherever you are!!’ –or- ‘it CAN be anywhere; wherever you choose to be!’
That is EXACTLY how I have been interpreting that idea, and exactly how I have been feeling; like it is my job to find ‘it’ instead of trusting that ‘it’ is everywhere, and can find me wherever I choose to be. Essentially, feeling like it is MY job to do GOD’S work. I do believe that this is what creates the sensation of running over one’s self to try and get a head. Whatever we are seeking is seeking us, but when we turn around to make sure it’s coming, the shift in energy manages to push it away. Keep moving forward, and you will inevitably run smack into what it is that you are after…or it will run smack into you.
Morgan, what makes you happy??
(We discussed this with enlightening detail after the reiki.)
Everything is available to you EVERYWHERE.
Awesome. Suddenly, I am totally getting it.
If you NEED to be somewhere different it will call you!!
Kind of like New York did. Also, awesome.
Is there a place that’s calling you now??
AAAAActually, funny you should mention it, but I can’t get Oregon out of my head. Something about it feels free and limitless, like it has all of the components that I desire for my ideal life.
3rd eye- Our ability to focus on and see the big picture.
Why are you not trusting yourself, why are your feelings (your centered feelings) not enough??
Probably because I am afraid of making the wrong choice as my Crown Chakra pointed out. This question also plays a lot into self-worth, fear of inadequacy and the ‘who am I to do/be/have/live/love etc. the things that I want to or the way that I want to’; who am I to believe that I am allowed to think well of myself and to trust that what I know I am capable of is also my divine birth right?
What do you WANT to do?? Like if there were no rules, no judgment, no consequences...
The essence of this question –for me- used to be more about what I would do if MONEY wasn’t an obstacle, but in this moment it feels like the doorway into the part of me that is unafraid of what other people will think of me if I ______________, or how my life choices might be perceived by the outside world. Suddenly, I don’t really give a shit.
I believe, when we were discussing this after the fact, my response was something like: “Well, I would get the HELL out of HERE!”
I believe, when we were discussing this after the fact, my response was something like: “Well, I would get the HELL out of HERE!”
Throat- Our ability to communicate.
Tired of trying to figure it out.
Yes I am. I’ve been looking for ‘it’ –the right thing- for what feels like a REALLY long time, and I am so freakin’ beat.
So don’t try to figure it out…instead focus on how you feel.
I love this. I KNOW this. How the hell did I forget SO much? And how DO I want to feel? Light and expansive, free, vibrant, buoyant and exuberant about life…to name a few.
What makes you feel bright?
Creative freedom. Self expression. Creating my OWN structure, not working for someone elses. Open air, direct access to the outdoors where there is sunlight and wide open spaces and the freedom to roam.
What makes you feel dark?
Confined spaces, rigid schedule, quick pace of life makes me feel like I am going to flat line or run myself into the ground.
Follow the brightness.
This feels like stepping off of a cliff and hoping to God that I can fly.
Heart- Our ability to love.
Acceptance of exactly where you are right now with the awareness that this has nothing to do with the future.
Game Changer #2. This feels like a great big ol’ confirmation of what I have started to feel, which is that being in New York right now has very little to do with New York and what it has to offer, but rather, everything to do with me and the growth that I have needed the to space to embody.
The future could look very different than it does right now.
This makes me very excited.
Feels like there’s something that you are wanting that you are not allowing yourself to want or to want to do!!!!
I keep thinking about Oregon. Moving to Oregon to be a writer and finally give birth to this giant thing that feels like a hole in my heart and is asking for space and un-interrupted time to complete.
Solar- Our ability to be confident and in control of our lives.
PLEASE keep moving toward a life that feels better…this is what your soul is asking you to do. Do not punish yourself.
I love this. It feels like the permission that I have been asking for; permission to see things from MY perspective and to believe that life can be anything and everything you/I make of it. I have been waiting for permission, looking for it elsewhere, and here it is, coming from inside of me which is the only place that will ever matter when it comes to permission.
Sacral- Our connection and ability to accept others and new experiences.
It feels like there’s something that you are wanting that you are not allowing yourself to want or to want to do!!!!! Your judgement of yourself is getting in your way; what are you judging yourself about?
Oregon Oregon Oregon.
Writer writer writer.
The judgement is around moving to a seemingly random location to pursue something that has never really been a part of my identity. ‘What will people think? What if I am forgotten? What if I become just an average person who lives in a little town in Oregon, writes books, and is really, really HAPPY?’
Writer writer writer.
The judgement is around moving to a seemingly random location to pursue something that has never really been a part of my identity. ‘What will people think? What if I am forgotten? What if I become just an average person who lives in a little town in Oregon, writes books, and is really, really HAPPY?’
Root- Represents our foundation and feeling of being grounded
Getting tired of not being settled, but also not FEELING settled now and not feeling like wanting to settle HERE.
Yup. SO much so. Every time I think of moving myself somewhere –to another temporary location- it feels as though a tiny little piece of my soul goes flat. I keep waiting, trying to be ‘ready’ to set my stuff down here. And it’s not just the to-be-expected nerves about committing to something big, but there is a strong resistance to settling here.
Something inside of me wants me to know that there is something that feels even BIGGER and BETTER and MORE expansive. The essence of my Root Chakra could not be more on point.
Something inside of me wants me to know that there is something that feels even BIGGER and BETTER and MORE expansive. The essence of my Root Chakra could not be more on point.
Woah.
This session…was massive.
When the clearing was done, I felt twelve thousand times lighter, relieved that the clarity that I had so desperately been seeking in my previous session (half way! Something’s gotta’ give!) showed up with such gusto that it blew the doors off of my previous, self-imposed, ‘upper limits’. It was the permission that I have been waiting for –the validation that I knew something was different all along/ that something was not quite right- and it all came from inside of me. It was me, letting myself know that ‘I want something different!’ despite how it may look externally. And for the first time, this thought was exciting.
“I haven’t told you anything that you didn’t know already, which is great because it means that you are really, really in tune with yourself. I mean, I’m sitting here thinking ‘I want to move to Oregon!’ and I know that that isn’t MY thought; I don’t want to move to Oregon, that’s YOUR thought that I’m getting” Rachael explained to me.
As she continued to talk, her voice grew in excitement and intensity as she informed me that it is rare that she ‘tells people what to do’, but that everything inside of me was screaming so loudly, she highly recommended I listen.
As Rachael and I continued to discuss the clearing, we took a good chunk of time to answer the following question that came up from my Crown Chakra.
As Rachael and I continued to discuss the clearing, we took a good chunk of time to answer the following question that came up from my Crown Chakra.
“Morgan, what makes you happy??”
I took a second, feeling the words about to come out of my mouth…I don’t know…and before I could speak, Rachael jumped in;
“You DO know.”
“What makes you happy?”
Being around my parents. Being close to that family…
Being outside in the wilderness…
Being with good friends and laughing and just enjoying each other’s company in general, and not for the sake of anything or just to be around people; but being able to enjoy someone’s company one-on-one.
I took a second, feeling the words about to come out of my mouth…I don’t know…and before I could speak, Rachael jumped in;
“You DO know.”
“What makes you happy?”
Being around my parents. Being close to that family…
Being outside in the wilderness…
Being with good friends and laughing and just enjoying each other’s company in general, and not for the sake of anything or just to be around people; but being able to enjoy someone’s company one-on-one.
I went on to mention my parents some more and what it feels like to be so close to them. I mentioned a paramour of mine who still warms my heart and loves to go exploring with me. I discussed my girl-friend, Sara, in Oregon, who is living some version of the life that I’m dreaming of, and who I feel very strongly to be one of the people that I am most connected to on the entire planet. I mentioned the warmth and sanctity of my brunch/coffee dates with a friend from St. Louis who was/is an unexpected lifer of a friend, and the unbridled love of a girl- friend of mine who lives in Texas; a friendship that I described as ‘whiskey and honey’; when we’re together it feels super sweet…but anything could happen.
“Ok, what else?”
I love being silly with people and making people laugh and being me…not entertaining people but just cutting loose with people and being goofy. Knowing I’m a goofball and bringing that with me into whatever I’m doing.
Silly! Goofy! Playful! I feel like I haven’t seen THOSE dwarves in MONTHS!!! Until my father’s visit, I’d almost forgotten that they existed.
Animals! Being with animals…I love animals.
Exploring & going on adventures...
Eating good food...
Goodness…good food, good things that come out of the earth,
working with the ground….gardening with mom or growing things,
being part of a loving community…
I start to laugh. Not the kind of laugh that might indulge a funny joke, but the kind that might echo throughout your closet when you finally find that pair of shoes that you ‘lost’ in their 3 years ago.
Rachael feels my giggles, which means that she already knows the answer to her own question, but she asks anyway;
“What are you thinking?”
I’m thinking ‘Oh! I DO know what makes me happy!
And then I’m thinking ‘Oh FUCK! None of that is here!!!!! Not that it can’t be here, but it’s not here yet!
I love being silly with people and making people laugh and being me…not entertaining people but just cutting loose with people and being goofy. Knowing I’m a goofball and bringing that with me into whatever I’m doing.
Silly! Goofy! Playful! I feel like I haven’t seen THOSE dwarves in MONTHS!!! Until my father’s visit, I’d almost forgotten that they existed.
Animals! Being with animals…I love animals.
Exploring & going on adventures...
Eating good food...
Goodness…good food, good things that come out of the earth,
working with the ground….gardening with mom or growing things,
being part of a loving community…
I start to laugh. Not the kind of laugh that might indulge a funny joke, but the kind that might echo throughout your closet when you finally find that pair of shoes that you ‘lost’ in their 3 years ago.
Rachael feels my giggles, which means that she already knows the answer to her own question, but she asks anyway;
“What are you thinking?”
I’m thinking ‘Oh! I DO know what makes me happy!
And then I’m thinking ‘Oh FUCK! None of that is here!!!!! Not that it can’t be here, but it’s not here yet!
Thus, my homework:
Pick three things from this list that you can implement where you are, and start doing them RIGHT NOW.
Pick three things from this list that you can implement where you are, and start doing them RIGHT NOW.
This week, I will call some friends, I will get my hands in the dirt, and I will go for a hiking adventure.
That’s what I can do right now.
I may move to Oregon in the not so distant future, or I may find that what I really needed was to know that there are no limits placed upon me, other than those that I place upon myself.
At the close of our session, I am left with a whole new world of thoughts and possibilities. I am NOT trapped, as I had previously felt (without even really knowing it), I am actually quite in touch with myself and what makes me happy, and I am capable of finding ways to provide those things for myself wherever I am, pretty much no matter what.
Empowered.
I am feeling empowered.
And I didn’t even know it until I wrote it down, but ‘empowered’ is one of the ways that I have most longed to feel, so thank you session 7, thank you Rachael, and thank you me, for the reminder.
SO jazzed to be heading into session 8!
Empowered.
I am feeling empowered.
And I didn’t even know it until I wrote it down, but ‘empowered’ is one of the ways that I have most longed to feel, so thank you session 7, thank you Rachael, and thank you me, for the reminder.
SO jazzed to be heading into session 8!
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